I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize