So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
