rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
