I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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