Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
