he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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