Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
