:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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