so explain again why im purple
no
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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