Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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