That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
God, I missed his penis.
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