People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
