Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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