i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
