Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
