nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
