FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
