Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
