i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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