You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
