If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
