That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it was like eating out sand paper
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Vodka?
Forever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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