This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
