I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
