listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
