Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize