Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
