My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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