We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize