She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize