Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
