so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
