You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize