Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
