It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
