on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
