Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
