When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
