it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
