i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
