he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
