This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
