I CAN MOONWALK!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
