So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
