Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
