This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Boobs speak an international language.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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