Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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