we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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