Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
