oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
