Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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