Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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