if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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