laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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