I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
