just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There's always time for handjobs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
