At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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