I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize