i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
