Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We need a shit load of segways right now
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
