do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
