saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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