Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i barfeds in our rink
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
