just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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