If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
