she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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