u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Let's get the cat blown out
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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