there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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