You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
