i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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