Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize