You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
