mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
